Completing 8 Months, First ER Visit and Chasing Fall Colours

Only a couple of weeks have passed since my last post, but enough has happened in that time to warrant a new post.

Turning 8 Months Old

First of all, Avyaan turned 8 months old on Sunday, October 11th, 2020 and we baked a cake at home to celebrate. We didn't have any eggs on hand and since we were still tired from the road trip to Big Bear Lake the day before, didn't feel like venturing out to the grocery store just for eggs. So we searched for eggless cake recipes, liked one for a vanilla cake, had all the ingredients for it so decided to try it. Prajakta did a fantastic job of baking it as it turned out delicious and we promptly devoured half of it immediately after the cake cutting. Pictured here is the cake, with vanilla whipped cream frosting and sliced dates for decoration.

Avyaan wore a new dress with a Doraemon doll attachment that दादी (paternal grandmother) had sent for him. We very quickly realized that we keep saving new clothes for special occasions, but he keeps outgrowing them. This dress was no exception and he was just fitting in it. So now onwards, we'll have to just use up his clothes before he outgrows them.

The cake took much longer to bake than indicated in the recipe, which meant it took that much longer to cool and decorate. By the time we were ready, it was almost his bedtime and we had to struggle to get a few good shots and quickly wrap up before he got cranky.

Some new observations:

• He has mastered moving around on the bed. Though not yet a proper crawl, he has his own technique and can go from one end of the bed to the other in a couple of seconds. This now means that the moment he learns to sit up on his own from a lying down position, it will be time for him to move out of our bed into a crib.
• He continues to discover new, more complex sounds and you can now pretend to have a conversation with him. We can't wait till he starts speaking real words!
• He loves being outside! If the front door is open, you can bet that he will constantly keep looking towards it and glance suggestively at you, till you pick him up and take him for a quick round outside.
• If he wants your attention and you're occupied elsewhere, in your laptop, phone, whatever, he will yell at you till you give him the attention he deserves. On the contrary, if he sees a phone or a laptop around, he will try with all his might to get to it.
• He has no interest in playing with his dozen or so toys. He is more interested in mobiles, laptops, remotes, cardboard boxes, clothing labels, or even utensils. Anything is a toy for him, except an actual toy.

A Visit to the ER

A week ago, Sunday, October 3rd, 2020, we got one of the biggest scares in recent history. We had been cooped up at home for a few days and were getting antsy. We had woken up early for a Sunday and on a whim decided to drive up to Santa Barbara for a quick road trip. However, while we were setting things up to leave in a few minutes, Prajakta came out with Avyaan wailing inconsolably. When it comes to crying, Avyaan, thankfully, is a very good child. He doesn't usually cry and when he does it is less of crying and more of an attention-drawing tactic which promptly goes away when he gets what he wants - his bottle, or picking him up to play or other such things. However, there are rare occasions when he truly does cry - getting stomach ache due to gas, getting night terrors, taking a little too long to feed him when he is really hungry. Even on these occasions he usually calms down within a couple of minutes of soothing.

This crying was different.

No amount of consoling would calm him down. I took him in my arms and started looking for any signs of physical injury. I noticed he wasn't moving his left arm. Turns out he was rolling around in bed - something he likes to do a lot these days, and during one of these rolls, when turning from his tummy onto his back, his arm got stuck and must have gotten twisted/pulled the wrong way. Though he is too young to be fracturing bones, we didn't want to take any chances and rushed him to the ER of the same hospital where he was born. I heard my car tires screeching for the first time in a long, long time. We reached the ER around 10 am.

Though COVID-19 protocols allow only one person inside with the child, Prajakta and her mom came along - Prajakta, to calm Avyaan down in the car seat, and Prajakta's mom, to calm Prajakta down while she was panicking.

Once done with the triaging, and a very painful diaper change, I waited, pacing around in the waiting room while Prajakta and her mom stood outside, visibly anxious. The nurse reassured me that I could wait outside and she would call me in when they were ready for us. All this while Avyaan continued to sob on and off, more so every time his arm moved accidentally. Being a curious child - something we agree he got from me - there were moments when he would calm down, lift his head up to look at the new surroundings, and then drop back on my shoulder, in pain.

A few minutes later we were ushered in and a nurse told us that they had ordered X-rays and gave him baby Ibuprofen orally to help with the pain. It was also his feeding time so I gave him the bottle. By the time he was done with his bottle, the pain killer must have started to kick in as he started to calm down and drifted towards sleep. Any accidental arm movement would still result in pain and crying, so even at the risk of a sore arm, I constantly held him in a position that kept him comfortable.

Around noon Avyaan and I were ushered into the room while the ladies continued to wait outside. In the morning panic, Prajakta had forgotten her phone at home, so now there was no way I could keep her updated. I continued to focus on the task at hand - keeping Avyaan as steady as possible, singing to him to keep him calm, and possibly get him to sleep, while waiting for the X-ray. A couple of nurses came and took my statement on what happened, checked his vitals, and went away.

At about 1 pm the X-ray technicians wheeled in the portable X-ray machine, put me in a radiation shield and asked me to hold his arm in position while they took the exposures. Those who know me would be aware that I am no stranger to pain. However, everything I have been through pales in comparison to the blood-curdling scream that Avyaan let out on positioning his arm for the X-ray. The only thing that probably comes close is the pain of seeing my child writhing and the helplessness of being powerless to do anything about it. It must not have taken more than 5 minutes for the whole process, but it seemed like hours.

Avyaan calmed down pretty quickly once the X-ray was done and, almost magically, became perfectly normal, his usual chirpy, playful self, moving both his arms as if nothing had happened. Soon he was observing the room and our surroundings, babbling constantly, as if dictating notes for me to take down. This of course brought a smile on everyone's face in an otherwise gloomy atmosphere of an ER.

A nurse came in a few minutes later to check in on us and informed us that on a preliminary look the X-rays looked fine, but they were waiting for the radiologist to give the final all-clear. She also did a full body check-up for Avyaan, moving all joints, just to make sure we weren't missing anything and left after a couple of minutes.

Relieved that he was feeling fine, I pulled out my phone to see several missed calls from Prajakta's dad, who was alone at home, anxious, and in the dark about everything. I shot him off a quick update and then called up Avyaan's मॉसी (maternal aunt), Aishwarya who talked to him for a few minutes while nurses continued to periodically come in for follow up questions.

In the meantime, Prajakta had figured out a way to reach the nurses' station via the hospital's board line and had sent the ER reception nurse to request for my phone that she could use to call. We spoke on the phone every 30-40 mins while waiting for the X-ray report and Avyaan continued to jump around, excitedly looking at all the machinery in the room.

At about 2 pm it was time for his feed again, so Prajakta sent in a bottle through a nurse. He finished his bottle and, exhausted from all the play, drifted off to sleep in a few minutes. I had barely put him down on the bed, after holding him almost continuously for 4 hours, that a nurse came in, told us everything looked good on the X-ray and since he was no longer in pain, we could leave. The hospital suspected that it was a sprain and the combined effect of the pain meds and rest was making him feel better. As a precaution, they did ask us to schedule a follow up with his pediatrician the next day.

Finally, with the drama over, relieved, we took a shower on getting home. Lots of hugs and kisses later, exhausted, we all took a big nap after some lunch!

The next day, the pediatrician inspected him and told us that, not a sprain, but looking at the report and my description of events, she suspected it was a condition called a Nursemaid's Elbow. Apparently, it is very common in kids as their joints have not fully set, and a slight nudge, twist, pull in the wrong direction can dislocate them, resulting in severe pain. She suspected that all the twisting and turning of the arm during the X-ray may have reset the joint, which is in line with what I observed too at the hospital.

Thankfully nothing major was wrong, but even the mere act of having to go to the ER with an inconsolable infant in your arms is stressful enough and I will not wish it upon anyone.

Chasing Fall Colours

October means fall has started and we were getting jealous of seeing everyone posting their photos of the fall foliage on the US East Coast, Pacific North West, and Canada. Southern California has a lot going for it, but brilliant fall colors are not one of those things. Back in 2018, we had visited the Mammoth Lakes area with a group of friends. We were thinking fo doing a trip with Avyaan too but with COVID-19 around, we don't want to risk a hotel stay, and a day trip to Mammoth Lakes is all but impossible even at ideal times, more so with an infant in tow. So we went in research mode and came to know that Big Bear Lake does offer some fall foliage and we decided to visit on Saturday, October 10th, 2020.

After our failed attempt at visiting Big Bear on Christmas last year, when we had to return from within 10 miles of Big Bear, and the scare of the previous weekend, we were a little skeptical of planning anything, but things turned out well and we reached Boulder Bay Park at about 2 pm. Considering we had started around 11 am after breakfast at Panera Bread, only to use the $3 coupon that we received as a T-Mobile Tuesday promotion. It was time for Avyaan's feed, so did that in the car and then took him out for a stroll at the lakefront. We must have spent about 30 mins there before we drove off further towards the city. We didn't have any set plan so just wandered around when we saw a turn ging in towards the hill with a glimpse of red-yellow fall foliage. On a whim, we turned and drove till we reached the end of the paved road and parked there to take in views of the lake.

While there, we also saw a pigeon-like bird perched upon a dried-up tree. I'm not sure what bird it is, but I'm sure it wasn't a pigeon as I believe pigeons reside only in urban areas. I don't have a long enough lens to get a close up of the bird and this is the best I could get from the longest my 55-200mm lens would go.

If anyone reading this can figure out what bird it is, do let me know. I tried searching but couldn't find any useful info with photos on birds in the Big Bear Lake area.

On our way down, saw a brilliantly red tree in one of the houses and we stopped outside for a few pictures. Though the house looked locked, we were careful not to enter the property and stayed outside. We did get some good shots, even though Avyaan was rarely being cooperative with the photos.

A couple of hundred yards ahead, there was also a patch of yellow leafed trees and I pulled over in an empty-looking yard. However, just as I grabbed my camera to go click a few shots, I heard someone yelling. On turning, I saw a topless, jeans-clad man coming towards me, shouting at me to get off his front yard. I tried explaining that I was going to be only a couple of minutes, he was insistent, so I left because, in Trump country (we saw at least 3 pro-Trump rallies that day), you don't want to argue with random people on the street. Strictly speaking, he was right. Even though unintentional, I had parked over his property, but there has to be a civilized way of letting me know that doesn't involve yelling. Anyway, we had better things to do and pretty trees to look at, so we drove off and decided to a loop of the lake.

I was craving a coffee, and while driving, crossed a shopping complex that was bound to have a coffee shop. However, what compelled me to take a U-turn was a row of brilliantly colored red trees, perfect for a fall photo-op. Driving around the lot to find a coffee shop, we came across another row of bright yellow trees, glowing in the evening light. Coffee could wait!

We took a few photos before we headed towards the red trees witnessed earlier, stopping at a Vons for a restroom break and grabbing a coffee from the Starbucks inside it.

More photos followed with the red trees before we made our way back to our parked car.

All this time Avyaan was taking his afternoon nap but woke up now for his evening feed, so we grabbed the opportunity to take a few photos of him during the golden hour after his feed.

It had started to get cold and not wanting to drive in the mountains after dark, we quickly completed the loop and headed back, stopping only for a couple of shots when the view was really pretty.

We knew we would be too tired to cook on getting home and since Artesia was on the way, we called up Bheema's and ordered dinner to-go.

After a hectic, but fun day, we reached home by a little after 9pm, had our dinner, and crashed, in anticipation of celebrating our little one's 8 months completion the next day.

ਮੈਂ ਹਾਂ ਬਾਲਕ ਬੀਬਾ ਰਾਣਾ (मैं हां बालक बीबा राणा) - A Late 7 Month Check-in

First of all, I missed the 7 months check-in. Avyaan is beyond 7.5 months old now and will be 8 months old in less than 2 weeks, so here are a few updates:

• As his pediatrician noted, he has figured out everyone around him by now. He knows who to look at and make what sounds to get what he wants, reinforcing my belief that kids are born psychologists and know what knobs to turn and which buttons to press. This comes into full view at feeding time when he makes it abundantly clear if he is not liking something that we offer him. But there's no rhyme or reason; one thing that he may be gobbling down for days together, he will refuse to eat without a warning. So now we're experimenting with different types of foods at home as well as different brands of baby foods. 
• He can sit by himself for extended periods now, which means new toys. We got him a stacking toy as well as a blocks game and an alphabet toy. He's still too young to properly play with them, but he knows how to remove the rings, empty the bucket and bang things together to make noises. The purple cylinder in the blocks game is his favorite. More than his toys though, he likes to play with cardboard boxes, clothing labels, our phones, laptops, and various remotes around the house. Since playtime also means putting everything in the mouth, we find ourselves constantly disinfecting and sanitizing stuff at least once a day, oftentimes more. 
  
  
  
• He is learning to communicate. His vocabulary now includes different sounds for hunger, sleep, boredom, tiredness, a dirty diaper, etc. He also uses gestures to communicate - rubbing his eyes and scratching his ears when sleepy, giving a hearty laugh when happy, loud complaining about dressing up post-bath, etc. He even lifts his arms and looks at you longingly with puppy eyes when he wants you to lift him up.
• He still has to figure out the whole crawling thing, but he is mobile enough that he can traverse the entire bed on his own, change directions and navigate to grab objects out of his immediate reach. With increased mobility comes the need to have someone constantly watching him when he's on the bed, or putting him on the floor on his play mat with his toys. He still needs to be supervised all the time though. 
• Teething! He now has two cute little teeth popping up - two lower incisors, so everything, including our fingers, is a chew toy, except the actual chew toys that he has aplenty. Thankfully we haven't yet noticed any discomfort commonly associated with teething, and I hope it remains that way.
• He tries to hold actual conversations now. Of course, he can't yet speak actual words, but that doesn't stop him from trying. There are times when it seems like he is reciting entire paragraphs and we actually try to decipher his babbling. The words may not be there yet, but the tones and expressions are definitely there. You get a general idea of what he wants just by listening to the pitch and volume of his blurbs and observing his facial expressions - excitement, happiness, tiredness, sleepiness, anger, frustration, complaint - there's an entire rainbow of those if you look closely.
• He loves time outside the house, which unfortunately is limited due to COVID-19, but he has figured out that being strapped into his car seat or the stroller means either a drive or a walk in the park and you can see the joy in his face when it lights up in anticipation. When we can't go out, he loves to sit in the patio, watching cars drive by, admiring the various kinds of dogs on a walk, or trying to destroy the small wind chime we have.

Coming to the title of this post. It is an old Punjabi kids' song that I remember my bua (paternal aunt) and grandma singing to my sister when she was a toddler. My mom was singing some Hindi lines to Avyaan on a video call when I recalled the song and quoted a couple of lines. It had been a couple of decades since I had last heard it, so I didn't remember much of it and my mom didn't have any memory of the song. So she then went to the source - my bua and learned it from her. She later sent her own rendition by replacing Kuku (name of the child in the song) with Miththu (My mom's nickname for Avyaan) and embellished it with the sounds Avyaan makes. You can listen to it here:

Aalok Deep Pandit · Main Haan Balak Beeba Rana

Here are the words to the song and my rough translation. If you happen to know the proper translation, do let me know:

मैं हां बालक बीबा राणा, कुक्कू मेरा नाँ (I'm a little child named Kukku)

दादी मेरा मुँह धोवावे, दादा पकडे बाँह (My grandma (paternal) washes my face while my grandpa holds my arms)

नानी मैनूं बात सुनावे, नाना आखे हाँ (My grandma (maternal) tells me stories while my grandpa agrees)

मॉसी मैनूं दूध पियावे, मासण च्योवे गाँ (My aunt (maternal) gives me milk while my uncle milks the cow)

बुआ मेरी चूरी कुट्टे, मार पचाके खां (My aunt (paternal) makes choori (hand crushing and mashing chapati, jaggery, and ghee) which I eat with enthusiasm)

Half a Year Down

Tuesday, August 11th, 2020 was a special day. It was Janmashtami, the festival celebrating the birth of Lord Krishna, the 8th Avatar of Vishnu. Avyaan turned 6 months old on the same day. Janmashtami is also special to us because it was on Janmashtami 2019 that a couple of Prajakta's friends disclosed to us that we were having a boy. Add to it the fact that it is one of the few celebrations I actually look forward to, and you quickly realize that it was going to be a big day.

The actual celebrations started a few days ago when Prajakta ordered traditional Indian dresses for Avyaan from Etsy. You see, dressing up babies as Krishna is one of the major highlights of Janmashtami and this being Avyaan's first, there was no way we were not going to dress him up. The next item on the agenda was to find a peacock feather for the crown. I'm not sure why, but Krishna's crown always has a peacock feather (Mor Pankh), so the look wouldn't have been complete without one. We had planned to check out craft stores like JoAnn and Michael's but they were already closed every time we ventured out in the evening. Then one evening we decided to have pizza for dinner, not from our regular Domino's but from the Pizza Hut across the street from us. Since this was an impulsive decision, it meant we had to wait 15-20 minutes for our order to get ready, during which time I decided to check out a Psychic Reading shop just out of curiosity. Turns out the psychic reading is only part of their business and they carry a whole lot of other stuff of spiritual and mystic importance to various people. Among the motley collection, in a corner in a large vase, were a bunch of peacock feathers. We quickly chose one, paid for it, grabbed our pizza, and headed home.

The last thing to complete the dress part was the actual crown. We tried several stores that stock party supplies but couldn't find any relevant selection. Apparently, crowns/tiaras are only a girl's thing, which means they mandatorily have to be pink, thanks to gender stereotypes. After scouting many, many stores till the evening before, we finally decided to make one ourselves with craft supplies at home and buying an additional roll of golden gift wrapping paper. Creating the crown was an exciting exercise in creativity and I will probably dedicate a full blog post on it soon, but I will share the end result for you to admire.

Since I fast till midnight on Janmashtami, where I can eat only fruits and milk, it meant we could not bake a regular cake as we do in other months. Prajakta decided to try and make a Milk Cake, which meant most of Monday night was spent in stirring the milk for hours on stovetop, reducing it, and separating out the milk solids that could then be sweetened and molded into a cake shape. Our end result wasn't textured like a traditional milk cake, but more like a peda/barfi. We probably took it off the heat a little too soon to get that classic brown color and we didn't put in enough acid for the separation to be as pronounced, but once set and decorated, it was a complete showstopper and tasted heavenly. Here's a photo of our end result along with what a more traditional Indian milk cake looks like.

Since it was an auspicious day, we also decided to do Avyaan's Annaprashana, a ceremony to formally introduce an infant to solid food. While we had been giving him a small sample of fruits for a few days and even fed him a spoonful of kheer on Rakshabandhan last week, this was when we gave him a more traditional dal-rice, which he immediately showed disdain for, by spitting it out, and went for the bowl of mango pulp instead! 

The actual day went pretty fast. Decorating our mandir (the in-home shrine), doing the pooja (rituals/worship), dressing up a fussy baby who doesn't care much for festivals or birthdays (yet), etc. meant that it was already evening when we decided to drive to ISKCON temple near Culver City, a place where we go every year on Janmashtami. As expected, the temple was closed to the public. While we could hear the bhajans (communal chanting of the lord's name) and other rituals being performed inside, the entry was severely limited and restricted to ISKCON members. The public could watch the proceedings on the temple's YouTube live stream, something I did on getting back home.

All in all, it was a fun day to celebrate and reflect on how quickly time is flying. Avyaan is now regularly turning from his back to his belly, what my parents fondly call bhujangasana (Serpent Pose in Yoga)

He is vocalizing more and more every day, with the sounds changing every couple of days. He has become super observant, carefully examining each and everything we do, curiously arcing his neck to track moving people/things like a cat does. He has learned to communicate his likes, with a brilliant smile, and dislikes, with a loud roar. His laughter is as infectious as ever and can light up the darkest of days.

For all the wrongs happening in 2020, one thing that happened right, and offsets pretty much everything else, is us being blessed with Avyaan! I can't wait for the coming months and years.

5 Months in

Avyaan turned 5 months old yesterday. Cliched, yes, but time indeed is flying and it seems like it was only yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital, and before we know it, a few years may have passed.

I haven't been able to keep this blog as up to date as I would like. Some of that is due to my inherent laziness, some because I want to treat a blog post as a channel for coherent, structured thoughts and mostly because life, for the past few months, has been throwing one curveball after another. I won't go into my personal problems here as that is not why this blog exists. The primary purpose of this blog is to serve as a public journal of my memories of Avyaan growing up. So, going forward, I will try to treat entries here as quick, streams of consciousness kind of posts - less organized, but more frequent. I'm not sure how successful I'll be in achieving that end as I always end up trying to strive for some sort of structure to whatever I do, but try I must, lest I forget crucial memories and defeat the whole purpose of this blog.

With that in mind, I would like to document some of the new stuff he has been doing lately and some of the earlier behaviors he no longer exhibits.

New Sounds: Every couple of weeks or so, he has a new favorite sound that he can't make enough of. Current favorite sounds are variations of 'L', 'Bui', 'Grr', and imitating a sputtering motorcycle with his tongue out. Sometimes I will gently pat my fingers against his mouth and he will make a 'Wa' sound, resulting in a hilarious 'Wabawaba' pattern.

Switching Modes: He also seems to be switching modes every few weeks. He will go from super interactive to super observant. Right now he is in the observant mode. He doesn't talk much, only a couple of times a day during his high-energy bouts. He has pretty much stopped interacting with people on the video calls. I guess he has now figured out that the people on the phone screen are not really there, so he conveniently ignores them in favor of more interesting stuff in the immediate vicinity.

Assertiveness: He has become super assertive in the last few weeks. If he doesn't like something - the way you're holding him, the toy you've given him, the room where he is, etc., he will shout at the top of his voice, in the highest note he can hit, till he gets his way. While being assertive is good, sometimes I get concerned that it'll be difficult to teach him the difference between being assertive and being stubborn.

New Plays: We're having to constantly come up with new stuff to keep him entertained. Some activities are his all-time favorites - flying around the house in my arms in 'hanuman' pose, or, for the more westerly audience, the 'flying superman' pose. However, there is only so much flying you can do.

• He has discovered that if he moves his legs, he can go places. so every time we pick him up from lying position, he moves his legs in a running stance. We indulge him for a bit, but since he is still too young to be putting his full body weight on his legs, he is always firmly supported so that the weight is borne by our arms.
• He also wants to constantly climb us when sitting/standing facing us and, with support, can walk up and stand on our heads/faces. we are literally letting him 'सर चढ़ कर बैठना '
• He hasn't yet figured out the whole rolling over on his own and crawling thing, but with a little assistance, he can easily roll over from his back to his tummy and once on his tummy, immediately looks up and starts kicking vigorously. I believe he will be crawling everywhere in a few weeks and we will have to childproof the entire house!
• The latest hobby is to grab everything he can and put it in his mouth, favorites items being his fingers, my fingers, his blanket, his toys, teether, etc. Improved hand-eye coordination means that he can much more successfully grab things within his reach that earlier he could only flail his arms at. Needless to say, we are constantly washing and sanitizing everything as a result of this.

Eating Habits: We have moved on to a bigger bottle, now that he takes more per feeding, which means he now struggles to hold the bottle, something he had mastered with the smaller bottle. He still easily grabs the bottle when offered and takes it to the mouth, but isn't always successful in turning it the right way before putting it in. It never gets less entertaining to watch him do that though. He has also started playing with his feed. Sometimes he will take a mouthful and start gargling with it. Though the doctor has strictly prohibited from solids before 6 months of age, it doesn't stop him from longingly looking at us, and moving his mouth in tandem with ours when we are having our meals. Sometimes we will give him a piece fo fruit to lick. So far we have found that he loves mangoes and peaches, but not bananas. We can't wait for one more month to pass so we can formally start him on different solids.

Changing Diapers: He now understands when his diaper is being changed and unlike earlier, when he would scream his lungs out, now calmly lets you clean him. One side effect of this is that he goes into play mode after every diaper change, so we have to be mindful of changing him before putting him down for the night because if we have to change him in the middle of the night, we have to be ready to play for at least an hour after that.

Sleeping Patterns: Thankfully, he now sleeps longer hours at night and on most nights, will wake up only once or twice for feeding and will quickly go back to sleep once done. But this comes at the cost of his daytime naps. Even when he is tired during the day, it takes forever for him to fall asleep, and when asleep, he usually wakes up within an hour. There are times when he wakes up in less time than it took to put him to sleep! Another thing is that earlier he used to fall asleep with a lullaby or a simple 'shhh' noise that you make. No longer! Now he needs stories, something Prajakta is much better at than me. I discovered a podcast on Spotify where the host reads short 5-minute stories, so I just hit play on it while I rock him to sleep.

Bath Time: He graduated from the 'newborn sling' to the 'infant side' of his bathtub a couple of months ago, but it is only now that he has truly started enjoying his time in the water, especially after we got him a rubber ducky. Whether, and for how long, he plays in the water, is totally dependent on how sleepy/hungry he is before we take him for his bath though.

Peekaboo: He has figured out the whole peekaboo thing. He will intentionally cover his face with whatever cloth he may be playing with, take it off, and smile at you.

I'm sure there's a bunch of other stuff that I am forgetting, but I'll now switch gears to some of the things he doesn't do anymore and that I miss:

• Bunny Hands: Whenever feeding, the moment the bottle went into his mouth, his hands used to reflexively end up under his chin, not very different from a hopping bunny! Now he simply grabs his bottle and starts gulping., which is cute and entertaining in its own way, but not quite the same.
• Environment Scanning: When he was much smaller and could barely hold his head steady, propping him up on your shoulder meant only one thing - he would lift his head up, make an 'O' with his mouth and constantly scan the environment from left to right and back, in slow, bouncy movements. He doesn't do that anymore. Now, he simply looks in the direction he wants to go and tries to leap, knowing that the person holding him, will take care of the rest.
• Brrrrr: Until a few weeks ago, his favorite sound was a 'brrrr' noise he made with his pursed lips. Now that he has discovered new, more complex sounds, he doesn't seem to care about making the earlier sounds.
• Laughing: When he first discovered laughing, it would only take a small cue for him to burst out into a full-hearted giggle, the no-worry-in-the-world, everything-is-awesome, I-am-happy-and-I-know-it, infectious laugh that will force you to forget all your worldly woes and laugh along. Now he is much pickier and needs to find something truly funny before he will reward you with his laughter. He does flash a 100W smile much more frequently, so that's good.

Again, there may be lots of stuff I am forgetting, but in the spirit of not trying to make a post perfect and exhaustive, I will end here and will hopefully come back soon with a new post.

Avyaan Turns 2 Months Old: The Story of his Birth

**This post was supposed to be published yesterday, but couldn't finish it in time, so posting it today.**

Born on February 11th, 2020, Avyaan is 2 months old today. Under normal circumstances, 2 months may seem like a long time, but we are not living through normal circumstances. Being pretty much locked at home because of 'Stay at Home' orders in California, days and weeks have started to feel like a homogeneous blob of time rather than discrete periods. Having a newborn at hand also diffuses the boundary between day and night. So it is safe to say that time for us has taken a more abstract form. That said, it does not take away time's effect on one's memory and I want to document as much as possible before the memories start to fade away into oblivion. This post is my attempt to document my experience of witnessing Avyaan come into the world.

Sunday, January 19th, 2020 - Preparing for Childbirth

We had just attended a day long 'Preparing for Childbirth' class at Providence Little Company of Mary hospital. We were the only couple to attend so close to their due date, so were anxious when some of the stuff, like Braxton Hicks Contractions, that was supposed to have been happening for weeks, hadn't been happening for Prajakta. That being said, the class was very useful and gave us a lot of information about what to expect when the mom to be goes into labor, how to manage the pain, when to go to the hospital etc. We had taken an earlier tour of the hospital, so were already aware of what to expect once inside the hospital.

Monday, February 10th, 2020 - The Day Before

First day of Prajakta's planned maternity leave and also our regularly scheduled appointment with Prajakta's OB/GYN where we highlighted our concerns. The doctor, as calm as she always is, told us there was nothing to worry about and scheduled an induction for February 18th, in case Prajakta didn't go into labor naturally. The doctor then proceeded to check if Prajakta was dilated. A quick side note - the procedure to check for cervix dilation is painful to even watch, I can't even imagine what it must feel like! Lo and behold, she informed us that Prajakta was already 3 cms dilated and was in labor! She then asked if Prajakta would be agreeable to stripping the membranes, a procedure meant to initiate/accelerate labor, to which we agreed. Reality started kicking in and some of the stuff we had been putting off for weeks, became a priority. We made our grocery runs, filled up the car's tank, came home and packed our hospital bag.

The Contractions Kick In!

The rest of the day was uneventful till about 8 in the evening. That's when she first started feeling the contractions. The initial contractions were very mild and irregular, coming anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes apart. We mistook these to be the Braxton Hicks contractions that were supposed to have been happening for weeks now, so proceeded accordingly by trying to relax, walk etc. By 11 pm, it was clear that these weren't false contractions, but the real deal. They were coming every 20 minutes like clockwork and lasting for 15-20 seconds each. This is when we debated whether to go to the hospital or continue to stay at home. The contractions weren't very painful yet, and the hospital would have sent us back home anyway, so we continued to stay at home and make her as comfortable as possible. The frequency was now increasing as time passed, as did the intensity.

Tuesday, February 11th, 2020 - Life Would Never be the Same!

At about 2 am, when all attempts to sleep had failed, we decided to try and help Prajakta relax for a few more contractions, and go to the hospital if that didn't help. By now the contractions were 7 minutes apart and painful enough that we had to employ the breathing techniques taught in the birthing class to help with the pain. In the meantime, Prajakta's mom quickly fixed up some खीर and milk to give to her after delivery, and some snacks for me, if we did end up going to the hospital.

Heading to the Hospital

2:45 am is when the contractions hit the 5 minutes apart mark and we decided it was time to go to the hospital. We picked up the packed food and the hospital bag, and drove to the hospital. It was a good thing that we had remembered to check the after hours entrance during the day. I dropped Prajakta at the ER entrance and went to find a place to park. Once inside, we were promptly taken to the Labor and Delivery floor where the on duty nurse checked us in. Pro-tip: Always pre-register with the hospital if you know where you are going to have your baby. The main triage nurse was on her break at the time so, the reception nurse showed us to the triage room, helped Prajakta get changed, took her vitals and *shudder* checked her dilation again. Surprise, surprise! She was still at 3 cms! She didn't want to send us back home, so instead suggested we take a walk on the floor for about an hour and they will re-evaluate after the hour was up. We must have made dozens of loops of the floor, snooped in on the nurses' gossip, slightly judged a couple who waltzed in with a small suitcase and a couple of pillows for their planned C-section, and taken a couple of breaks in between.

Admitted Finally

At 4:30 am, it was time to check again! This time the main triage nurse did it and she declared that Prajakta was at 4.5 cms. While this was progress, they usually admit only after 5 cms, but 4.5 cms wasn't small enough to send us back home either. The nurses checked with the on-call doctor, who thankfully decided to admit Prajakta.

The Painful IV and Wait for Epidural

By 5 am, we were in our delivery room and the triage nurse handed Prajakta over to the labor nurse who started prepping her for the next steps. One of the first things that had to be done was to get an IV line going. She struggled for a few minutes before finding a supposedly good vein, however, when she attempted to insert the needle, the vein slipped out of her hand, leaving Prajakta with a jab, but no IV line.  She tried an alternate spot but the same thing happened again. Punctures 2, IV 0. She did not attempt again and called one of the senior nurses, who is supposed to be an IV ninja at the hospital. The senior nurse did find a vein where she could get the line going, however before she could insert the needle, she was paged for an urgent matter in the OT. So, another couple of nurses on duty were called in, who made yet another futile attempt at getting  a line started. Punctures 3, IV 0. Finally they decided that they weren't going to get a good vein in the hand-forearm area, so had to use the elbow, not a preferred site for an IV, but we were out of options. So finally, in the 4th attempt, an IV line was successfully set up. We hadn't even gone far enough into labor and Prajakta seemed covered in bandages. The contractions were getting stronger in the meantime. This was going to be a long day!

At about 7am, when the shift changed and Prajakta's primary OB/GYN physician became the on-call doctor, the labor nurse checked for dilation yet again! Still 4.5 cms and the contraction pain was becoming unbearable for Prajakta. To help the labor progress faster, the doctor ordered her to be started on Pitocin, a synthetic version of Oxytocin hormone that is supposed to help with dilation. We remembered from the birthing class that this is called labor augmentation and it makes contractions much stronger, therefore, much more painful. Our original plan was to get an epidural at 6 cms, but if she was to be started on Pitocin, there was no way we were going ahead with that without getting the epidural first! So we requested for the anesthesiologist to administer the epidural. He was in a surgery at the time so would be available only after an hour or so. So we waited, holding hands, and breathing through each contraction as it came, every 3-4 minutes now.

The Epidural and the Epidural

10 am is approximately when the anesthesiologist finally came over to administer the epidural. This was another painful procedure to watch. I'm sure bearing the pain would have been much more intense, but she went through with it without much fuss, partly because of exhaustion and sleeplessness, and partly because she just wanted the contraction pain to go away. Now we waited, the stipulated 20 mins it takes for the epidural to take effect while the nurse started her on Pitocin. Alas! The epidural didn't work, but the Pitocin did. Well, that's not completely accurate. It did work, but only on the left side. She could still feel the full intensity of the enhanced contractions on her right side. By noon-ish, we got the first visit from her doctor, who checked the charts. The baby was doing great, and Prajakta was at 6 cms now. However, learning about only the partial success of the epidural, she asked for the anesthesiologist to come back and readjust the epidural. Neither of us had eaten yet, so we were starting to get hungry, but Prajakta was supposed to be strictly on liquids only now. So we ordered liquid lunch for her while I had some snacks which my MIL, bless her, had packed, and we waited for the epidural to be readjusted.

The anesthesiologist returned after wrapping up a surgery and told us that the catheter would have slipped onto one side, it is not uncommon for this to happen, and a simple readjustment should fix it. He performed the readjustment asking us to call him again if there were any further issues. We, very soon found out that there were still issues. The readjustment did make some difference but she could still feel the pain in her back on the right side. He came back and this time gave us two options - he could either redo the epidural, or she could continue to tolerate the pain. We decided to go for redoing it. This time it worked liked a charm and all the pain went away in a few minutes. Pain free and fed, she could now relax, which meant I could also get some sleep that came well advised by the doctor since both us would need our energies for the actual delivery. Some time later, the nurse propped up a peanut, essentially a peanut shaped inflatable balloon, between her legs as this is supposed to help with the dilation. The next few hours are a blur as both of us drifted in and out of sleep. I only remember the nurse coming in multiple times, to take her vitals, adjust the peanut, change Prajakta's side etc.

Time to Push - We become Parents!

At 4 pm the doctor came in and announced that Prajakta was complete, basically meaning that the cervix had dilated the needed full 10 cms and it was now time to push! A quick primer on what each of us were going to do - the doctor will keep a track of where the baby was and make sure everything is safe, the nurse and I, each, will hold up one of Prajakta's leg, the nurse on the right and I on the left, and provide resistance for her to push against, and Prajakta will do the most important task of pushing as hard as she could up to the count of 10, as many times as possible during a contraction. We were just a few minutes away from meeting our baby!

Seemingly nothing happened during the first few pushes. The actual pushing part was stressful for everyone, but the time between contractions was surprisingly normal. We were all chatting about stuff, cracking jokes etc. We may very well have been friends out for a coffee if the setting was changed. After about 20 minutes, the doctor invited me over to her side and asked me if I wanted to look at the head. Nervously, but excited, I hopped over. The baby had started to crown and I could see just a tiny wad of hair sticking out which went back in after the pushing was over, but was sure to make a bigger appearance during every subsequent push. I may have exclaimed that the head seemed too small, comparable to a small orange. The doctor, having heard this comment from numerous dads to be before me, calmly explained that most dads think that, but the head is big, has to pass through a narrow opening so takes a conical shape. But eventually the mom's muscles can't hold up and the whole head just pops out. Another 20 minutes or so later, the head did pop out. One shoulder, another shoulder and the rest of the body quickly followed suit, and at 4:53 pm, we met our baby! He came out all guns blazing, crying at the top of his lungs and we couldn't be happier. The adage that your birth is the only time when your parents are happy to see you cry, rang true. After the doctor had suctioned out amniotic fluid from his nose and throat, he was quickly wiped up and put on Prajakta while I got the honor of cutting the umbilical cord after the iron rich cord blood had made its way into the baby's body. The baby was immediately given a Vitamin K shot, Hepatitis B Vaccine and Erythromycin ointment in the eye. In the meantime, the doctor went back to work, extracting the Placenta and patching up the torn tissues during the delivery.

It is a philosophical revelation watching the placenta. A piece of tissue that was responsible for keeping the baby safe and alive inside the womb ll this time has lost its utility once the baby is born, and promptly gets tossed in trash. I did get to look at it though, before it was disposed.

Wednesday, February 12th - Thursday, February 13th, 2020 - Recovery and Discharge

After a couple of hours of recovery and bonding time, we were moved to a different wing of the hospital where we stayed for 2 days. These days were spent in getting to know our baby, putting in practice what we had learnt in the 'Baby Care Basics' class, fumbling and asking for the nurses' help whenever we felt stuck. The nurses also took Prajakta's and the baby's vitals every couple of hours or so, while the doctor came in once a day to check in on her recovery. There were also a battery of tests performed on the baby, namely Billy Rubin Count, Hearing Test, Heart Function Test and blood samples for California mandated New Born Screening tests, all of which came back normal. He was also given a head to toe exam by the hospital pediatrician and given the all clear.

Lack of a successful latch and low milk production meant that ours was going to be a primarily formula fed baby. We had numerous sessions with the on call lactation consultant, tried breast pump, hand expression etc. When nothing seemed to satiate the baby, we had to request the nurse to get some formula. This was the only time of our 2.5 day stay in the hospital where we felt judged. On requesting formula, the nurse quipped back, "Already? You're giving up so soon?". She may have meant it as a joke, but to us sleep deprived new parents, it felt like an insult. Now we had to learn to feed the baby with a syringe and finger in his mouth. This was a weird experience to say the least, but a first among many firsts that happened in the hospital - first diaper change, first bath, first photo shoot and several other things that I may not be able to recall.

On Thursday, the doctor gave us the all clear and we were left with some last loose ends - one of which was to file the paperwork for the baby's birth certificate and SSN, i.e. the name, to tie before we headed home. We named him Avyaan.

I paid the bills, picked up the prescriptions and waited in the car while the hospital staff wheeled my wife, and my son in her arms, out to the parking. It was time to go home! :)

Parting Thoughts:

1. As if pregnancy wasn't a cumbersome enough process, the delivery is even more complicated and painful one. No wonder mothers are put on a pedestal in almost all cultures! You get an acute sense of this when you witness your wife bearing your child.
2. Nothing will make you feel more useless in life than seeing the love of your life in unbearable pain and you being able to do absolutely nothing to help her other than not come in the way of the doctors and nurses taking care of her.
3. A child is the greatest gift a woman can give you. There's nothing you can do to reciprocate that will ever come closer. Try to gift her something to show your gratitude. More importantly, strive to be a person worth going through all the pain for.
4. Every person should witness childbirth at least once. It is a life changing experience and makes you appreciate mother nature and women, as well as modern science, doctors and nurses, even more than before.
5. Becoming a parent rearranges your life's priorities. The transition is fast for some, akin to a switch being flipped and more gradual for others, but it does happen and if you are observant, you will notice small changes in your behavior as if being tugged on by invisible strings.
6. There is no shame in feeding formula to a baby. This was my only complaint against the hospital. While breastfeeding is obviously preferred, not being able to breastfeed your baby is not a reflection of how good or bad of a parent you are.
7. As a new parent, you learn everything from scratch. Take all the classes you reasonably can, read everything you can get your hands on, plan all you can, but be aware that nature works on its own schedule an plans. Trust your doctors and nurses, they have done this hundreds of times, but do not be afraid to ask questions.   

Avyaan - The One without any Imperfections

Exactly a month ago, on Tuesday, February 11th, 2020, a little angel came into our lives and started a new chapter - Parenthood. After some deliberation, we decided to name him Avyaan (अव्यान). The word comes from Sanskrit and means 'The one without any imperfections', or, 'The perfect one'. It is also one of the several hundred names of Lord Vishnu, one of the gods of the Holy Trinity (Brahma - The Creator, Vishnu - The Preserver, Mahesh - The Destroyer) in Hinduism. While no mere mortal can be perfect, and I certainly hope not to turn into one of those parents that want perfection in everything from their offspring, I do hope that his name acts as an ideal for him to strive for and for us to guide towards.

Last one month has been crazy, in a mostly a good way, and it is safe to say that our lives will never be the same again. Slowly, but surely, the realization is dawning that we now have an entire tiny human being that is dependent on us for everything and crying is the only verbal way he has of communicating his needs to us. This blog is aimed at chronicling my life as a dad along with all the challenges and lessons that come with it.

As we get set to celebrate his completion of first month of ride through space and time aboard Planet Earth, called life, I shall conclude this post with these changes that I noticed in me post parenthood:

• Personal comfort has taken a back seat. I haven't been able to sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch because there's always something that the baby needs every few hours - Feed, Diaper Change, Readjusting position in bed etc. But somehow you don't mind these inconveniences.
• For probably the first time in my life, I have started giving a much higher priority to how safe my driving is as opposed to how soon I can get to my destination.
• This statement may sound inconsistent but I've realized that my patience/tolerance has increased substantially when it comes to dealing with matters related to Avyaan. Yes, the sleepless nights, the bouts of crying are frustrating, but having a peacefully smiling baby once you're through the episode, is worth every hour of denied sleep. However, there is no more tolerance for other drama in life. Apparently babies give you some much needed perspective in life.
• You become acutely aware of your finances. It may not seem so in the beginning, but raising a baby is a costly affair. The insurance, diapers, formula, doctor visits, new clothes all start adding up pretty fast. It is very important to have a solid financial planning in your toolbox if you are to survive this.
• There are no words to describe the feeling of having a baby fall asleep into your arms, secure in the knowledge that it is a safe place for him.
• The biggest realization has been that as much as we are training the baby to be better and well adjusted to the world around him, the baby is also training us to be a better version of ourselves every day.

Till next time!